“It’s only a movie!”

It has been a while since I have posted. Not that I haven’t been thinking of my faithful fans…or you, reader…the whole time, but I have been working hard on other writings, and watching very important videos online. But let’s get to it…

I encouraged a friend to watch what I consider one of the greatest movie trilogies, The Bourne Trilogy. This was asking a lot, considering the aforementioned friend typically confines her movie-watching-pleasures to what the common person refers to as “chick flicks.” Not that I don’t appreciate a good predictable love story from time to time…

Who doesn't?

But when it comes to good movies, I mean good movies, Bourne is right up there. My friend, miraculously, enjoyed the film series. The one complaint she came back with, however, was Jason Bourne’s reckless driving. His survive-at-all-costs strategy was too upsetting for my friend. She stressed, “I understand that he is trying to get away from an assassin, but what about all the helpless people he is running over along the way?”

My response? “Well,” I eased, “there are certain times I just have to say, ‘It’s a movie.’” Certainly, I agreed with her that any reckless driver who carelessly careens a vehicle in a public place whist in the umpteenth gear deserves the maximum time served. However, such a passionate viewpoint is not on the forefront of my mind as I munch some popcorn and enjoy Jason Bourne beating up an anonymous henchman with a newspaper. Why? Because this is Bourne’s movie. He’s the only one I, as the viewer, am meant to care about.

“Maybe if this was ‘The Anonymous Henchman Supremacy,’ you wouldn’t have the New York Times all over your face.”

True, Hollywood movies have a bit of a habit these days of treating viewers like they are as one-dimensional as the characters portrayed by Zac Efron.

Get a haircut…and maybe a K on your name.

I enjoy relaxing with a simple Hollywood movie as much as anyone, but I also have to let go of a few thoughts in order to enjoy them to their fullest extent. Such as…

– When the stars of the movie meet and fall in love, despite already having significant others, my job, as the viewer, is to root for their love and feel no sympathy for the forsaken lovers. Take Walk the Line, for instance. A fantastic biopic about the Man in Black, Johnny Cash. You don’t care about Johnny’s first wife. This is about June and Johnny. Let that cranky wife get her own movie!
– Or the simple fact that everyone has terrible hearing. How many times are two characters yell-whispering about a secret in the very presence of the person that shouldn’t hear the secret. And does that person ever hear? Does an Efron wear a beard?

Point taken.

– And most of all, for all the coincidences the average person experiences, multiply it by the amount of ingrown hairs on ZacK Efron’s womanly face, and that’s about how many you’ll find in the movies. How often do you run into the worst person imaginable in the exact place you don’t want to run into her or him? It might happen occasionally. But if you’re the star in a Jerry Bruckheimer films, you can count on running into this person everytime.

Unfortunately, I could go on and on. So, I’ll just rest knowing that you are as aware as I am that we enjoy movies because they are not completely our reality. Because simply, that’s not really the point, is it?

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Coming soon: 'The This Guy Identity:' A sympathetic look at the common person caught in the middle of a car chase.